Article of the Week

Are You a Desperate Dater?

My friend Mary Jo Fay, the local author of the new book, The Seven Secrets of Love, knows a thing or two about desperate daters.

You don't want to be a desperate dater because people who are desperate never end up with the relationship they deserve!

Take the below quiz, excerpted from her book, to see if you are too desperate for your own good:

1. Do others consider you the caretaker type?

2. Does it feel like you’re always putting your partner’s needs first?

3. Are you willing to invest more than a couple of months in a relationship where you don’t feel a special connection to your mate?

4. Do you make excuses for your partner’s behaviors? (Not calling when he says he will? Being chronically late? Drunkenness? Harsh words?)

5. Do you do whatever you can not to “rock the boat” in your relationships?

6. Do you compromise more than your mate in decision making?

7. Do you feel less smart, less able, or less important than your mate?

8. Do you ever wonder if your partner is lying to you about other women in his life, his whereabouts, his job, or responsibilities?

9. Do you choose your dates based on their financial status?

10. Do you ever distrust your partner?

11. Has it been so long since you’ve been in a relationship that you’ll do almost anything to get one?

12. Do you ever fear that if your partner leaves you may not find another one?

13. Have you given up things that are important in your life as they simply don’t fit with your mate? (i.e. dancing, sports, social events, time with your friends, etc.)

14. Do you ever feel uneasy around your partner? Even if you can’t put your finger on why?

15. Have you ever caught your partner in a lie?

16. Has your partner ever called you names?

17. Has your partner ever harmed you in some way (physically, emotionally, verbally, and/or sexually)?

18. Do you expect that love means your partner should be able to read your mind?

19. Does your mate claim his love for you but then does things to the contrary?

20. Are you staying in a relationship that you know is unhealthy for you?

21. Do you have children involved who may be being affected by an unhealthy partner as well?

22. Are you the one always apologizing for all that is wrong in your relationships?

23. Does your mate apologize but the apology always comes with a “but?” (“I’m sorry I yelled, but if you hadn’t gotten me mad first, I wouldn’t have had to say that, do that, treat you like that.”)

24. Do you keep staying in a relationship where no one claims their love for each other?

25. Do you jump into bed with a new potential partner before you really know him well, worrying that if you don’t, he may find someone else?

SCORE:

Add up your “yes” answers and find out if you’re a Desperate Dater…

0-5 While you’re clearly not a Desperate Dater, you may have some slight tendencies to not be loving and caring for yourself as much as you probably should be. Ask yourself why you don’t deserve better? Then remind yourself that you have value and that you deserve to be happy!

5 – 10 You’re beginning to show a clear behavior path that indicates you don’t feel as important as those around you. This is the first step to accepting bad behaviors from others… and falling victim to any old relationship that might come along.

10 – 15 You’ve probably had some crummy relationships before and wonder what it is you keep doing that leaves your relationships in ruins. You’re becoming desperate for love and not recognizing when others are taking advantage of you. And you generally lose yourself to any relationship you’re in.

15 and up Yep. I’m sad to report that you are a Desperate Dater. You don’t feel complete if you don’t have someone validating you through a relationship – any relationship! Until you learn to value yourself first and foremost, your relationships will be frustrating, emotional roller coasters that leave you in a heap and wondering how you got there!

Action Step: Mary Jo suggests that you remember - you must love yourself first, before you can ever love anyone else in a healthy way. So put yourself in the "I love and value me" mode and never let anyone else determine your value for you. It's the best way to stay true to yourself and your emotional health ... as well as to find an emotionally healthy partner as well!

Want to learn more about the Seven Secrets of Love? Get the book here.

Are you a desperate dater? Don't wait for another bad relationship to happen! Dating coaching can help you break the pattern and create the healthy, balanced and loving relationship you deserve. Email me for more info and get started on your healing journey toward love!

_______________________________________________________________

NEWS FOR SINGLES
_______________________________________________________________

Don't Miss The Biggest, Fanciest
Event of the Year!

The Harvest Moon Ball

Saturday, October 13th , 7:00 p.m. - 12:30 a.m.
Denver Marriott City Center, corner of 18th & California
Tickets in advance are $60 or $70 at the door.

The largest event of the year, come mingle with up to 800 singles dressed to the nines and ready for fun and romance.
More info: Harvest Moon Ball
_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Join us for Savvy Singles Book Club
with local writer Christie Hartman,
author of Dating the Divorced Man

Learn how to tell if a divorced person is ready to date and to decide
if dating a divorced person is right for you!

Learn more: http://bookclub.meetup.com/537/

_______________________________________________________________

*NEW* Singles Resource

An online resource guide for Colorado Singles!Includes an event calendar (you can also sign up to receive it via email), referrals for area singles services, and tip of the week. Brought to you by Beth Anderson, of Cotton Wood Connection.

Learn more: www.singlocity.com

Singlocity will also be printing a hard cover version of their resources! Know any good businesses that serve singles that should be listed? Or maybe even your own business!? Contact Beth for more info: email

_

_______________________________________________________________

Do you have a topic, idea, question, or concern you'd like to have addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Email us!

Know someone who could use a little RelationSmarts? Feel free to forward the newsletter to family and friends!

May your relationships bring you the happiness you deserve,

Dr. Jenn

Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.

www.couplingconnection.com

720-284-8502

coupling@couplingconnection.com

Not interested in receiving RelationSmarts? Send us an Email with unsubscribe in the body of the message.