Below, see some of the recent media coverage Dr. Jenn has received.

To view a video of Dr. Jenn on the Denver Channel 7's ABC morning news cast discussing Dump Your Significant Jerk week and her new singles workshop: Soulmate or stalemate. Follow this link: Dump Your Significant Jerk Week

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Romantic re-org in time for Valentine’s Day
Feb. 11, 2007

Pam Mellskog , The Daily Times-Call

LONGMONT — Unmarried people stuck in dead-end relationships never expect to get the “deathbed” lecture sitting on psychologist Jennifer Oikle ’s couch.

Yet, she asks troubled couples to picture the end of their life to help them get perspective on smart and dumb romantic choices and the joy and heartache those choices produce.

Oikle ’s upcoming workshops at Colorado Free University in Denver — “Soulmate or Stalemate?” — help couples find a valentine to cherish to the end with some tried-and-true screening techniques.

“I honestly believe we can reduce the divorce rate this way,” she said.

Oikle offers a handful of tips to determine whether a potential mate is either a keeper or a throwback.

Oikle , 33, recommended evaluating a relationship’s potential starting with the first date, phone call or e-mail.

First, ask yourself these questions: “How do I feel around this person? Is this person treating me the way I want to be treated for the rest of my life?”

Healthy relationships should feel good about 95 percent of the time, Oikle said.

“But so many people, it’s like they’re on a merry-go-round,” she said. “They’re feeling bad and making the same mistakes over and over, only with a different person. They’re not catching on.”

The three-strikes rule is another way to avoid rushing headlong into a relationship doomed to angst.

Strikes include calling on Tuesday when the promised call was for Sunday, or canceling a date at the last minute.

Oikle said sometimes broken promises are unavoidable, but the point is to detect a pattern of behavior that shows someone is concerned only with his or her perspective and not yours.

“When someone is a jerk, it’s not their fault. It’s your fault, and they’re not really interested in how (their actions) affect you,” Oikle said. “They don’t take responsibility.”

She still hears all sorts of bogus reasons singles use to justify a painfully obvious mismatch — everything from true-love claims to financial dependence.

“What it really comes down to is (that person) can’t stand on their own two feet,” Oikle said. “It’s a worthiness issue. People who feel good about themselves don’t put up with bad behavior. They just leave.”

Oikle also outlines five bonding forces that safeguard savvy singles from rotten relationships.

She asks clients to picture each one — knowledge, trust, reliance, commitment and physical/sexual involvement — as numbered dials next to each other on a control panel.

As knowledge of a person increases, the romantic hopeful can move that dial from zero to one. When that dial goes a little higher, the next dial — trust — can inch up, too.

“The level of each bonding force should never exceed the level of the previous bonding force,” she said. “The whole premise is to use your head before your heart so you’re not love blind.”

Pam Mellskog can be reached at 303-684-5224 or by e-mail at pmellskog@times-call.com.